More on the Mammogram Nightmare...

A situation nightmares are made of!!!!!!!!  

While conducting some business at the Court House, I overheard a lady, who had been arrested for assaulting a Mammogram Technician, say, "Your Honor, I'm guilty but ... There were extenuating circumstances."

The female Judge said, sarcastically, "I'd certainly like to hear those extenuating circumstances."

I did too so I listened as the lady told her story.

"Your Honor, I had a mammogram appointment, which I actually kept. I was met by this perky little clipboard carrier smiling from ear to ear and she tilted her head to one side and crooned, "Hi! I'm Belinda! All I need you to do is step into this room right here, strip to the waist, then slip on this gown.        Everything clear?"

I'm thinking, Belinda, try decaf. This ain' t rocket science. Belinda then skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors.

With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and said, Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can get everything?"

"Fine," I answered.

I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck to finish me off? My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my other breast wedged between those two 4 inch pieces of square glass) when I heard and felt a zap!

Complete darkness, the power was off!

Belinda said, "Uh-oh, maintenance is working, bet they hit a snag." Then she headed for the door. "Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise alone are you?" I shouted.

Belinda kept going and said, "Oh, you fussy puppy...the door's wide open so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be right back."

Before I could shout NOOOO! she disappeared. And that's exactly how Bubba and Earl, "maintenance men extraordinaire" found me...half-naked with part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life and the other part smashed between glass!

After exchanging a polite Hi, how's it going type greeting, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was off.

Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as possible, "Uh, yes, I did but thanks anyway."

"OK, you take care now" Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though I'd been standing in the line at the grocery store.

Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin. Making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said, "Oh I am sooo sorry! The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went to lunch. Are we upset?"

And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the clamps...."

The judge could hardly contain her laughter as she said "Case Dismissed!'

Facing my first Mammogram...

Well, it's official.  I am 40 years old.  Therefore, some man somewhere decided that I need to go and have my boobies flatted out to the thickness of a dime to see if there is cancer in there somewhere.  If there isn't before they squish them, there probably will be when they are done.  I mean, seriously, who thought this up???  Their head should be put in the mammo machine!  I also considered that the doctor who ordered the mammo - a man for the sake of clarification - should have his balls put into the machine and flattened out.

My cousin says that I should practice for it.  Option 1 includes my lying on my side in the driveway while my husband drives over each boob repeatedly with his truck...seeing as how I crashed his truck last week, I think he may get a tad bit too much enjoyment out of that...  The next option involves me standing topless and braless in front of the fridge, opening the door and placing each boob against the edge and slamming the door repeatedly on it.  However, with the "peeper" neighbor we have, he may get way too involved in this one...  It is sad, but I feel some relief in finding out that I am not the only victim of his stalking and peeping.  The young lady that lives right next to me has found him peeping at her too - even pretty close to her windows.  I have considered running thru the yard naked to see if that is what he is dying to see - an overweight 40 yr old woman bare butt naked, but decided that if he didn't like what he saw while he was peeping that the police would probably be more than happy to come out and arrest me for "indecent exposure" even though if he wasn't being a "peeping tom" he wouldn't have seen it to begin with...

But I digress...After facing the fact that I am being forced into this squishiness, I called the hospital to find out how much this torture was going to cost me.  Well, after the coronary I had over the price, it would be cheaper, safer and less painful to just have both breasts removed now, and it would also result in at least a 5 pound weight loss.  Not to mention I would be able to skip the hormone replacement/birth control pills that I am probably going to be prescribed for the other "fun" things that have started going on in my body...

Not to mention that Chris will probably need regularly scheduled sanity breaks.  My Daddy had a tough situation himself.  When I was in puberty, my Mom was in menopause, so the hormones were thick and heavy  at our house all the time...I don't know how he did it, but he walked that fine line and kept the both of us happy and sane at least most of the time...God knows the torment he went thru keeping his mouth shut...It couldn't have been an easy time!

Hopefully I will be on here with my witty banter more often!  I miss blogging and have been silent for way too long.  Some days though it is more than I can do to get what HAS to be done finished, let alone what I WANT to do....

My Laundry Poem....

The laundry breeds
When you're not looking,
While you're running the vacuum,
Or doing the cooking...

Load after load
In the washer it goes...
Gee, I don't even recognize
Half of these clothes!

Out of the washer
Then into the dryer.
Am I just imagining it;
Did that dirty pile grow higher??

Out of the dryer,
Now to fold and put away...
Doing the laundry eats up
All of our days!

The Wedding - The final chapter...At Last...

I am sorry it has been so long since I have posted on here, but life has a way of grabbing you by the balls and shaking the shit out of you and then spitting you back out on the ground...

On Friday, Sept 10, we slept in and then headed out to Nag's Head and took a two hour dolphin tour.  It was really awesome!  We saw a lot of dolphins and even a mama and her baby!  That was really cool!  And the ride back was really cool too, literally!  A north wind started blowing across the sound at around 17+ mph!!  We were freezing!!  Thankfully the car was warm when we got there and we had our jackets in there.  We headed out to Blackbeard's Golf and played a round.  It would have been really neat if they hadn't waited till we were the 16th hole to turn the water effects on!  Of course Hubby whipped up on me!  But it was fun!  We went out to Jockey's Ridge and hiked on the dunes and got some great pictures!  There were 3 "ponds" there left over from Hurricane Earl.  And they were full of tadpoles.  I got to wade in two of them!  We got some souvenirs from Ben Franklin's and candy from Forbe's then headed back to Outback for supper!  When we got back to the house, we decided to ride our bikes out to Harris-Teter and get some milk.  Hubby was out in front and I had stopped to take some pictures of flowers and I was pedaling fast to catch up with him.  I went under a tall pine tree and a bird POOPED ON MY HEAD!!!  Now that bird had to time that just right!  What were the odds considering how fast I was riding that that bird would hit me in the head!!  We got our milk and rode back to the house where I got cleaned up and we found the WVU game on tv and watched it.  Marshall  was beating us BADLY, so we went to bed.  When we got up the next morning we found out that WVU had pulled it out in the fourth quarter and we had WON!  It was only 58 degrees on Sat morning so we laid around waiting for it to warm up a little.  Then we took our bikes for one last marathon ride out to the other end of the Currituck Club.  Over 7 miles total.  We had one hill that was a total killer, and I had an asthma/panic attack near the top of it, but we made it.  I had to stop and rest a while at the top but the view was incredible!   We returned our bikes and walked back to the house and got ready to shop at Tim Buck II.  We walked all around there and then got ready to go to the beach.  We didn't get to stay as long as we would have liked because it was just too cool.  I did track my "Just Married" flippies all up and down the boardwalk :)  We came back to the house and cleaned it up, and realized just how filthy it was!  We will definately NEVER use Sun Realty again!  On Sunday, we got ready and headed home!  It was a beautiful drive!  I would love to drive the road again from WV into VA.  The scenery cannot be beat!
After we got home on Mon, Hubby's eyes were really hurting so I got him an appt with our local eye doc.  My teeth were really hurting, so I got an appt with our local dentist.  Hubby got eye drops for severely dry eye and I got an antibiotic for a sinus infection that showed up on  dental xrays they took to check my teeth.  We got the meds and picked up some wedding presents from friends and came home to download the rest of our pictures and work on sorting them out and found out we had picked up a Trojan virus on our computer.  So Hubby spent the rest of the evening trying to save everything that the virus was trying to eat, including all our honeymoon photos.
My brother called about the party the following weekend, and then all the "no-shows" started coming in.   Hubby's parents were sick, his uncle had just been hospitalized with what turned out to be leukemia.  It had been quite the roller coaster since the wedding...My relatives were coming in from out of state for the party, and my brother wanted to do a cookout.  So the night before, my Mom went to pick up the cake and the cupcakes for the kids that were coming at Shop N Save in Fairmont.  When she got there, they told her we hadn't ordered cupcakes, so she had to wait while they found the order and did the cupcakes.  Then she got it all to the checkout and the checker hit the edge of the cake and sent in flying into the cupcakes, and they had to be redone.  Fortunately the cake itself survived, but it had the wrong icing on it, and they hadn't left any space for the bride and groom...I don't think we will be using them for the bakery again...After another 20 or 30 minutes Mom was on her way with the cakes...We had the party - 120 invited, 20 showed up...wow...talk about a let down.  At least I got to sing with my brother again.  That was really nice and all the close family was there.  My best friend came and did the pictures - and a wonderful job I might add!  If you need pictures, I strongly advise you to contact amandasue.com!  She is AWESOME!!  We got a lot of nice gift cards and got busy planning to continue our addition!   And after my last post, I was contacted by Sun Realty as to why I was so unhappy, and what they could do to remedy it...After I told them all the problems, they never bothered to contact me again...so just adding insult to injury!

True Justice

Ya wonder why I pack??????

This is fantastic, this guy has an evil but great mind. The perp must be really frantic.

(I thought this was a hoot! )

AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD

To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last.
Date: 2009-05-27, 1 :43 a.m. E.S.T.
I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.
First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason. My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 ..45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head...isn't it?!
I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again].
After I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, -- on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!
I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]
I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb ... after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.
Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what 's going on with that? Earlier, I managed to get in twothreatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target.
The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.).
In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ... but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky.Have a good day!
Thoughtfully yours,
Alex
P.S. Remember this motto ... An armed society makes for a more civil society!

The Wedding: Part One

Well, here is the first one of how ever many blogs it takes to get this story out for you all to enjoy!  WARNING:  This may contain episodes of WTMI - Way too much information for those of you who need the translation!  We were scheduled to get married in the Outer Banks, NC on Sept 4, 2010.  So the first thing that went wrong is that Hurricane Earl decided to hit that weekend.  The area was evacuated and noone was allowed in.  Of course who would want to be married on the beach at sunrise in a guazy dress in a hurricane anyway...That would have been like being naked in a sand storm plus being soaked down to the skin.  I wouldn't have needed any chemical peel after something like that, but we decided to pass on that particular spa treatment and managed to get the whole thing rescheduled to sunrise on Wed Sept 8, 2010.  We were set to leave for the OBX on Sun Sept 5.


Well, at 1:30 pm on Fri Sept 3, I was eating lunch and my very back top right molar had a huge chunk break out of it.  So I called my dentist and he said to get in there right that minute, so I ran down there and they did a HUGE filling for me and charged me $180!  OK, I can deal with that whole thing, just don't make me stand on the beach and repeat my vows with a giant toothache!  On Saturday, Chris had to work and I started my new "job" helping clean the office at a auto body shop.  I wound up being there a lot longer than planned, but it was all good.  Got home and got finished packing and ready to go on Sun morning.  I had cooked and baked a lot previously so that we would have a lot of gluten free food for my Hubby-to-be.  We had packed up our bicycles to ride while we were down there, but when we got in the car to leave, the tires were rubbing the inside of the wheel wells, so we had to take them off and were a little late getting out of here.  We would rent bikes when we got there.


We had a beautiful trip down, stopping to see the incredible scenery of the WV & VA mountains.  We went thru Staunton instead of Harrisonburg, so we got to see some country we hadn't seen before.  Alot of it was picture perfect!  Like looking at a living postcard.  We got to the beach about 5 pm and went to check in.  We got our keys and welcome pack and headed over to the Currituck Club.  We knew we were staying in a "community", but we didn't know it was a luxury golf community with an intricate security system.  So the first thing we came to was a guardhouse.  They took one look at us and said "NOPE!"  We didn't have the wristbands and car placard that we needed to gain access to the community and our "house".  So they called the realty company on one line and we called them on another.   Then back up to the realty company to pickup the placard and wristbands...They let us in and we found our house and got all the luggage and gear unloaded and were ready to head to the beach.  For some reason, Chris picked up the brochure about the community we were staying in and decided to check it out.  Good thing he did!  We could leave the community, but after dusk we would not be able to get back in because the guardhouse would close and we would need a pass code to get back in.  We had not been given one by the realty company and they were closed.  So we called their "emergency lockout" number when technically we were locked IN!  The agent had no clue what we were talking about and we spent at least an hour on phone calls back and forth trying to get it all sorted out.  We decided to go down to the guardhouse, throw ourselves on their mercy and see if they could help us out at all.  Thank God the guard on duty felt sorry for us.  He said we had half of the pass code figured out and since we had obviously rented the house and had all the paperwork for it, he would give us the other half of it.  So we got to the beach about an hour before it got dark.  We got to see the most amazing sunset though.  And when we first got to the top of the pass over the dune, we looked down and there was a couple getting married!  Beautiful!


We went back to the house and I decided to try out the jacuzzi tub.  The water was the color of pee, and smelled funny.  I thought the hurricane had stirred up the water tanks, and there were no notices to avoid the water, so I got in for a quick dip.  Chris took a shower... When I got out, we decided to see what the jets would do, and they shot sand out, so we never used the tub.  The more we looked around the house, the more dirt we found.  There was black gunk all over the bannisters, dust EVERYWHERE!  And thick layers of it.  We couldn't use the one toilet b/c the "cleaners" had left feces on the seat...Both of the showers had soap scum and dirty soap suds on the walls.  There was grease all over the sink and blinds in the kitchen.  The boards and nails on the deck were loose, so we set deck furniture over that so we would tear up our feet on the nails.  Needless to say, we were surprised the dreaded bedbugs weren't there.  I don't think the housecleaners had met up with SOFT SCRUB!  I was more than willing to introduce them!  Don't think I didn't complain!  I did repeatedly! 


The house itself was cute and the neighborhood was incredible.  I just wouldn't ever use the realty company they have representing them ever again.  By the way, don't use Sun Realty to rent a home from in the Outer Banks.  They are clueless about the security features of their properties,have a nasty cleaning crew and screwy ways of doing everything...the story will develop more from here...I want you to come back for more!!

Why do they say everything is like riding a bike??

I first tried to ride a bike right after my 10th birthday. My parents bought me the cutest pink Debutante bicycle with white stripes and streamers on the handlebars. My brother and sis-in-law supplied the horn and the white woven basket w/the bright pink, yellow and orange daisies on it. Then the reality hit...I had to learn to ride it.

I exhausted both my Mom and my Dad. I would get on and get one pedal stroke in and fall over. Boy, oh boy, did I have a little temper. I would get up and stomp off! I am NEVER going to learn to ride this bike... I can't count how many times I fell off that bike. I had stone bruises and the gravel tore little holes in my legs when I fell. I had to go to see Dr Kalaycioglu when the cuts got infected. He treated me and I went back to learning to ride that bike. I got up time and again. Finally, I fell one last time and I jumped up, picked up the bike, slammed it on the ground and declared that "This stupid thing doesn't want me to ride it!" I don't know how my Daddy kept from laughing seeing that little display, but he was a Taurus too, so he understood the temper and the stubborness.

Finally, one day my brother decided he would take a turn and try to teach me to ride that bike. He came out and walked up and down the driveway with his hand on the seat for what seemed like a hundred times. Finally, he got me started and let go, but he ran beside the bike like he was still holding on until I got almost to the end of the driveway. I was laughing and looked back and there he stood about 10 feet back...then it hit me - the mailbox...No seriously, I realized that I was pedaling away on my own. It took a little more confidence building, but I mastered riding that bike! Now Chris and I enjoy taking long rides on Saturdays and Sundays on the rail trail! Pretty good for starting out on a bike that didn't want me to ride it!! Don't you think!?!

So this is 40...

OK, so this is what 40 feels like. I can live with this. Now there are days when my joints tell me I'm 90, but I don't listen well. So that never matters.

Anyway, I went out a couple of days ago to pick up a load of mulch for the garden beds, and I stopped to look at a keyboard, stand and seat Yolanda had for sale. It was exactly what I wanted so I bought it, and it was a great price too. I went on to Freed's to get the mulch. It was a beautiful day, and I love to drive when there isn't anyone else on the road, so it was perfect. I got the mulch, but there was a different guy there, so he didn't clean up the overflow for me or anything. The one man that loads the mulch there will level it off for you, get it off the roof of your truck and tailgate, and even shovel any that falls off back into your truck.

I drove home and got the mail and went to go inside, and realized that I had only brought the truck key. I had locked myself out. I do this alot, so I had a spare in my wallet and I thought this would be no problem... Well, we had given the one in my wallet to his parents, and not put it back, so I was really locked out. Noone else was home. So I walked down to my neighbors. He just happened to be home because of a dentist appt and he let me use thier phone. Thank the Lord, Chris was working here in town today, so I only had to wait a little while for him to get home and let me in.

That evening, he was questioning me as to why I had left without the house keys. I don't know, sometimes these things just happen. He said I wasn't like this when we first met. Well, that was 8 years ago, so I told him I had aged... Well, I guess he understood. When he gave me my birthday card this morning, it was one of Maxine's quotes...she's hilarious. I love Maxine! It said: "40 is when you start asking yourself life's big questions...Like 'Why did I come into this room? I knew a minute ago...'"

So Happy Birthday to me! And now starts the best years of my life!

Have you ever sat on a cat??

Today, I am going back to my humorous side...I still get a kick out of this! It's another one of those "truth is stranger than fiction" stories...

It was the fall of '88. I was living in a travel trailer in Apache Junction, AZ. It was the middle of the night but still very warm. I had a beautiful, grey long hair cat with little white paws. His name was "Socks". He was the best cat ever. He liked to share fudgesicles with me.

One night, I woke from a deep sleep needing to go pee, really bad. So I got up and proceeded to sleep-walk my way to the tiny little bathroom. We had a port-a-pot type toilet that stayed dry inside until you stepped on a little lever to let water flow into it and flush it. Now I was still about half asleep when I got in there and just plopped down on the pot. Just as my butt hit the seat, I felt something furry brush across my butt cheeks. I let out a scream and jumped out of my skin! I was WIDE awake now!! I flipped on the light and looked down to see my cat slowly stretching his way out of the pot! It was so warm that he had decided that it was cooler to sleep in the toilet...needless to say, I kept the lid down from then on!

And I swear to you that this is a true story! And that things like this happen to me all the time. It sure makes for an interesting life!!

Exercise - a dirty 7 letter word

Ok, I admit it, I HATE to sweat. And like I told Chris the other day while we were walking on the trail, if there is a bear chasing me, I might think about running, but playing dead sounds a lot easier... Walking the rail-trail, and riding bikes there too, is about all the exercise I want. When it comes to exercise equipment, I have about as much luck with it as I have with lawn mowers - see my previous blog. Besides, I used to take excuses for gym class from my Mom, and was raised that "bodily exercise profiteth little" ( 1 Tim. 4:8). I always wore dresses, and couldn't participate in a lot of the things that they were doing in gym class.

One day, Chris and I went to visit his parents. I had been there a few times before, so it wasn't my first visit. Good thing too... We talked with them a while and were discussing buying a treadmill. They had one, and wanted us to walk on theirs to see what we thought. Chris walks on it a few minutes and gets off and tells me to try it out. So I did. I had never been on a treadmill before, and I am so clumbsy that my nickname in my family is either "klutz" or "grace". Chris fastened the little shut off clip to my shirt and they started it up and I stepped off the sides and on the machine. Then they started talking to me. And that was all she wrote... The next thing I know I am flying off the thing backwards, hitting the wall and lying in a heap in the corner behind the machine, and my toe is throbbing! Chris and his dad are cracking up laughing and his Mom is shrilly telling them to get me up! No one knows for sure what exactly happened, but there were tread burns on my toe and it apparently got caught under the edge of the tread and twisted. All the guys could say is that they were sorry noone caught it on tape for America's Funniest Videos. Some help they were.

We did go on to buy a treadmill, and I used it for several weeks. One of the many times I have went on a diet and exercised and GAINED weight... So, so much for that! I'm not overweight; I'm under tall...

Time to mow the grass

Well, it's time to mow the grass! And for the entire summer we will be a slave to it's constant need to be cut. I have an interesting history with lawn mowers. It all started in my early 20's when I was charged with mowing my grandmothers quite sizable lawn. It was a push mower and it had ran out of gas. So I jumped in my old 1963 Ford truck and promptly backed over the push mower, flipped it over and finished it off...It was all downhill from there. I was still living with my parents, so I "helped" them with mowing the acre they lived on. I bent the blades and then the shaft on their pushmower twice in the span of a month. I ran over the property line marker - two different times...and burned up an electric weedeater cutting down some iris leaves. The replacement mower didn't last long either when I bent the shaft on it...Then I got my own mower with a grass catcher. It was the one that is guaranteed to start with one pull - NEVER! That thing is still hanging on by a thread. I think it's because it's a Honda. And not because I have had any more luck in taking care of it. I have done a good job of beating it up. And I am NOT trying to - I am actually trying to take care of them!

Then I met Chris...and I had never used a riding mower before. He was mowing grass at the bottom of the property when his brother-in-law came over to see a Subaru he had for sale. So as they talked and walked, Chris asked me to take the lawn mower up the drive. I told him that I had never driven a riding mower before and he was well aware of my mower history, but was equally confident that I could take it where it needed to go. So off I went. Up the driveway, around the curve and right into the back of the Subaru and up onto the bumper. That's where they found me when they got to the porch. A good laugh was had by all. I learned to use that mower and even without supervision. But we had some accidents along the way. I ran over some stumps and bent the blades, then I broke the mandrel that holds the blades up under the deck not once, but TWICE. Chris decided that I don't need a mower, I need a brush-hog! There have been so many various repairs on these mowers that I can't remember all of them. But you would think at some point I would no longer be "allowed" to mow the grass. And I do enjoy mowing grass (and shovelling snow). This past fall we got a brand new shiny red riding mower, and a few weeks ago he got it out and mowed the lawn. It drives totally differently from the last one we had, so I have no idea how to operate it. And something tells me I may never know.

A little about me

You may be wondering about a couple of things, so I will try to answer at least two of the basics early on.
1. How did I come up with my name? Well, of course, my first name is Heidi, but the hobbie part comes from the fact that I really love vintage things - Hollie Hobbie, and the fact that I love to make crafts. If you can think of a type of craft, I have probably tried it. I love to sew, crochet, paint, cross-stitch, quilt, do embroidery, work with felt, and create ideas in my head for all kinds of crafts. I dabble in writing, photography, drawing, cooking, baking and gardening. I have special interests in food for patients with celiac sprue and chronic kidney disease. In other words, I have so many hobbies that the name just seemed right. I also started selling items on Etsy (heidihobbie@etsy.com) and needed a name, so "heidihobbie" it is. The lower case letters just mean that I don't want special attention and I like things low-key.

2. Do I make up this stuff I write about? Absolutely not. It has been my experience that truth really is stranger than fiction, and I have had a LOT of experience. All the aspects of my life have made me the person I am today and given me the confidence to be satisfied with myself and what I have and how I live. And a great sense of humor always helps in any situation. My favorite mantra is: "If you can laugh at it, you can live with it" and that goes for people too not just situations. Humor can diffuse the most tense situations, at least the ones I have been in, and it can really relieve stress. So go ahead and have a big ol' belly laugh at least once a day! Can't hurt and it just might help....

OK! I'm ready to do this. A new adventure. I like adventure. I like a lot of things, and I like to learn new things everyday. So this means that today is taken care of. Now just to come up with topics to talk about. Shouldn't be too hard. My mom and I were in the waiting room the other day and were keeping the receptionist entertained. We were talking about how when I was little, Mom always told me not to wipe things off my hands with spit because spit stinks. Then, if she saw something on my face, she would lick her thumb and use her spit to wipe off my face...hmmm! Did her spit not stink, or did my face stink after she was done??

I also remember that my Mom, Grandma and I were walking down the street to the store one time and saw our preacher and his wife coming down the street toward us. Mom knows he will want to shake each of our hands when they get to us. Mom leans down and whispers in my ear that she just saw him picking his nose. She really didn't, but she wanted to see me try and not shake his hand. I was only about 6 years old and was raised to have alot of respect for myself and others. I avoided shaking his hand for as long as I could, but eventually had to. After they walked away, Mom had a big laugh when she told me that she really didn't see him picking his nose...and people wonder why I am twisted???