Facing my first Mammogram...

Well, it's official.  I am 40 years old.  Therefore, some man somewhere decided that I need to go and have my boobies flatted out to the thickness of a dime to see if there is cancer in there somewhere.  If there isn't before they squish them, there probably will be when they are done.  I mean, seriously, who thought this up???  Their head should be put in the mammo machine!  I also considered that the doctor who ordered the mammo - a man for the sake of clarification - should have his balls put into the machine and flattened out.

My cousin says that I should practice for it.  Option 1 includes my lying on my side in the driveway while my husband drives over each boob repeatedly with his truck...seeing as how I crashed his truck last week, I think he may get a tad bit too much enjoyment out of that...  The next option involves me standing topless and braless in front of the fridge, opening the door and placing each boob against the edge and slamming the door repeatedly on it.  However, with the "peeper" neighbor we have, he may get way too involved in this one...  It is sad, but I feel some relief in finding out that I am not the only victim of his stalking and peeping.  The young lady that lives right next to me has found him peeping at her too - even pretty close to her windows.  I have considered running thru the yard naked to see if that is what he is dying to see - an overweight 40 yr old woman bare butt naked, but decided that if he didn't like what he saw while he was peeping that the police would probably be more than happy to come out and arrest me for "indecent exposure" even though if he wasn't being a "peeping tom" he wouldn't have seen it to begin with...

But I digress...After facing the fact that I am being forced into this squishiness, I called the hospital to find out how much this torture was going to cost me.  Well, after the coronary I had over the price, it would be cheaper, safer and less painful to just have both breasts removed now, and it would also result in at least a 5 pound weight loss.  Not to mention I would be able to skip the hormone replacement/birth control pills that I am probably going to be prescribed for the other "fun" things that have started going on in my body...

Not to mention that Chris will probably need regularly scheduled sanity breaks.  My Daddy had a tough situation himself.  When I was in puberty, my Mom was in menopause, so the hormones were thick and heavy  at our house all the time...I don't know how he did it, but he walked that fine line and kept the both of us happy and sane at least most of the time...God knows the torment he went thru keeping his mouth shut...It couldn't have been an easy time!

Hopefully I will be on here with my witty banter more often!  I miss blogging and have been silent for way too long.  Some days though it is more than I can do to get what HAS to be done finished, let alone what I WANT to do....